It’s probably the most inopportune time to LOL: opening share circle of a Yoga Teacher Training. I was leading YogaLean 2 on Friday and we began the day with journaling about how we’re currently living “YogaLean” (following 8 guidelines of living mindfully). As the leader of the training, I opened the share circle and confessed I didn’t feel very YogaLean at this point in my life. You see, I’m having a hard time focusing on two important areas: meditation and journaling.

Allow me to preface – I say my daily prayers, and write my weekly angel forecasts and the occasional blog (although I’d like to do more), but the idea behind meditation and journaling is to create space in our thoughts and release any non-beneficial emotions and ways of thinking. Here’s the “fun” part: just like a child, when ignored, these thoughts and emotions keep poking and prodding until you give in and acknowledge they’re there (it’s the worst!).

Now back to the circle – normally as the facilitator of the training, I rarely share such personal information (or I might elude to a very small snippet of who I am) but I decided to open up a bit more than usual to see what happens. One gal shared how she felt the need to journal as well … “I know I have to do it, but like you, I just don’t,” she said. In that second, she help up the mirror … in all her words and reasons why she wasn’t journaling, I saw myself and all I could think was “just write your f*cking journal!” The image of Julia Roberts from August: Osage County came to mind and that’s when the laughter began … and didn’t stop … for a LONG time.

I couldn’t help it! In my head, Julia Roberts was throwing my journal at me and screaming “write it, you f*cker … write that journal” and it was over …

It was that moment I knew all I can do is surrender. I know I have to pour this stuff out, and I’ve been guided to for a long time, but I just haven’t. I know the benefits, and I understand the reason why I have to do it … but journaling and meditation requires me to sit down and face the things I’ve run away from for the last two and a half years. I didn’t want to deal with them then … why do I gotta do it now?

So here I am, laying down my armour of excuses and reasons not to, and I’m just gonna write my f*cking journal … some will make it into my blog, some will be saved for my memoir, and others I will burn like a mother f*cker. Something will come out of all this anyway, and the excitement will fuel my journaling practice.